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Often people explain that most marriages are fine before the affair happened, and the decision that they were not in love with their marriage partner is often an effort to explain and justify the affair. Being in love doesn't protect people from lust. Screwing around on your loved one is not a very loving thing to do, and it may be downright hostile. Falling out of love is no reason to betray your mate. If people are experiencing a deficiency in their ability to love their partner, it is not clear how something so hateful as betraying him or her would restore it.
I believe that If you try and tell your spouse what is wrong in the marriage and they don't listen. Sometimes we turn to the affair as in last resort in believing maybe someone out there will bring that Love feeling back to us. It is not the solution to the problem but when your feeling you already lost your mate it will unfortunately get ugly. Thanks for letting me share that with you. Betrayal is the least of your worries when you just want to know that you exist and are needed.
If one cannot get through to their spouse, then having the courage to tell them you cannot go on with the marriage unless you get crucial needs met is better than committing the crime of adultery. Have the decency to leave him, or tell him you plan to sleep with someone else before you do it. I'll bet he would listen then. I know I would have.