Religion in Marriage Tips

Developing Similar Values

Overtime couples begin to develop similar values or their values begin to be different. It is extremely important for couples to take time to discuss their personal values and what their differences may be. In order for this to be effective individuals must listen and respect their partners feelings, thoughts, and values. Being critical will place barriers in your relationship.

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How God Can Help Your Marriage

Most people believe in a God. It can be very valuable to invite God into your marriage by praying for His help. We can pray for His help during disagreements, in our parenting, or when our spouse is struggling through something. He is willing to assist us if we invite Him into our lives.

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Pray Together

A good strategy to keep your marriage strong is to pray together on a daily basis. A wise man once said, "Couples that pray together stay together".

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Suffereth Long

In a recent magazine article I read a nice explanation of how the scripture in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13:4 could be applied to marriage. The scpipture reads, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up". The article described the behaviors that would accompany this scripture as it applied to marriage. In marriage we would be patient and tolerant, and wouldn't criticize. Further, we would recognize that our spouse is progressing, and we would be patient with imperfections. The article further states that the opposite behaviors to this scripture would be intolerance, being ill-tempered, critical, and cranky.

Source: Agency and Love in Marriage by Lynn G. Robin; Ensign, October issue of 2000, p. 17.

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When We Listen

At times in our marriage listening is the most challenging thing we do. Often we don't want to admit our mistakes and listening to others tell us of our mistakes isn't easy. Have you ever wondered if God was your marriage counselor what he might say to you? I believe when we are struggling in our marriage we can petition Him for guidance and inspiration. When we ask, he listens and responds.

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A Marriage Done the Lord's Way

Recently, I read an article that dealt with agency in marriage. The article was based on the scripture found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. I found it interesting that a description was given of the Christ like attributes that would be take place in a healthy marriage. Some of those attributes include: suffering long, being kind, envying not, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her/his own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, & charity never faileth. Can you imagine a marriage based on those principles. Those are all elements that equate to a healthy marriage.

Source: Agency and Love in Marriage: Lynn G. Robbins, Ensign, 2000, p. 18-19.

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The Value of Religiosity in Marriage

In a research program conducted in many countries, Dr. John DeFrain found that religiosity (or practicing ones beliefs) was one of the factors that indicated whether a marriage was strong or not. It has also been my experience that couples who share similar religious practices have strong marriages.

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The Value of Reading Bible Together

Many couples I have met with in my counseling have found great strength in their marriage when they have studied the scriptures together. This experience can bring a couple closer together and help them bond in many ways. I recommend that couples take time each day to read from the bible or other good books. This reading will stimulate good conversations.

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Endureth All Things

In 1 Corinthians chapter 13:7 it reads, "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." All of these statements are refering to charity. It applies in marriages as well. One author explained the behaviors that should accompany this scripture. The behaviors include: not complaining or murmuring, being responsible and gladly accepting callings or other requests, seeing growth in adversity, having a desire to learn and progress, and finally being steadfast, knowing life is a test. Consider these behaviors and evaluate how you are doing.

Source: Agency and Love in Marriage, Lynn G. Robbins, Ensign, 2000, p. 19.

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Actions Not Words

In couples who value religion they should work to improve their actions not what they say they do. When couples are fighting one of the most frustrating areas I observe as a therapist is when one individual uses religion to prove their spouse wrong. If you want to show you are religious do it through your actions not your words.

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Religious Beliefs That Match

I was brought up in a really religious family where family and values were important and I felt I should hold them to my heart. Once married I realized my spouse was the complete opposite of this. For example, we didn't agree on how to bring up our son. Make sure that your spouse has the same background in religion, otherwise this will bring problems in your marriage, and with your family and extended family.

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Worshipping Together

Worshipping together as a couple can be very valuable. In our society when husbands and wives are running and working for six days of the week many couples have learned the value of attending church together. This creates the opportunity for couples to share experiences and beliefs together. It also teaches children an important lesson (their parents believe religion is important).

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Finding Common Values in Marriage

Recently, I have had the experience in which people come to me concerned that they and their spouse have different values. Such situations are difficult to resolve unless both partners are willing to understand their partner's concerns and beliefs. Value differences are possible to solve if both spouses agree to never do something that their spouse doesn't approve of. Valuing your spouse literally means that you learn to value what they value. If your behavior hurts your spouse you aren't valuing them as a partner.

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