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The Chinese have a proverb that goes something like this, "A word unsaid, can save a life of regret." At times when we are upset at our spouse we often want to hurt them because we feel hurt. In these situations, I teach my clients to stop and analyze what they are feeling and thinking before they say something that they will later regret. This isn't easy, but it can save a marriage. It can save lots of pain. In order to do this it takes self control and a desire to break old patterns. It can be done as one begins to understand themself and their emotions.