Creating a Bonding Experience

Most people put a lid on the hurts or fears of the past. Dr. Gordon suggests that it is essential to lift that lid--in the context of the current relationship--to close the revolving ledger. She suggests couples try the following experiment. 1st) Choose a time when you are feeling somewhat edgy. 2nd) Put on some soft music in the background. 3rd) Lie down with your partner. Lie on your sides cradled into each other, both facing the same direction. 4th) While your partner is holding you, quietly reveal something that he or she does that triggers a full-blown intense reaction in you. 5th) Now tell your partner what experience out of your history your reaction connect to. 6th) Tell your partner what you would have needed to happen in your history that would have helped. 7th) Now let your partner tell you what you needed to hear, while you take it in. 8th) Now discuss the price you are paying in your current relationship for having the emotional reaction to events of the past.