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Sexual Myths #5

In her book, "The Surrendered Wife", Laura Doyle writes about 7 myths about sex. Myth number 5 is:

If I have sex with him and it´s only so-so, he´ll complain that it´s not as good as it used to be.

Fact: You might end up having terrific sex when you least expect it. Remember that the point of lovemaking is to connect physically and to distinguish your marriage form every other relationship. Not all sex is fabulous, so don´t hold yourself to and impossible standard.

Understand Your Own Body

I have had many people tell me that they just don´t enjoy sex like they used to. If you fit into this category, help is available. Most sex therapists suggest that individuals struggling to enjoying sex should try to understand their own body and what is happening in their mind during the act of sex. A good starting place is to have your spouse give you a massage. While you are receiving the massage what is happening inside of you? Are you anxious or nervous? Can you enjoy it? Can you relax? The more you understand what is happening within you the more you will understand your own body. Understanding your body and how it reacts is very helpful during sex.

Finding the Sensitive Areas

Sex can be a wonderful experience in marriage. However, many couples aren´t sure how to talk with their spouse about what feels good, what feels great, and what feels out of this world. Part of learning about the wonderful act of sex is finding out what feels best to you. This requires that couples take time and touch all parts of each others body. This should be natural and comfortable to both spouses. If one spouse isn´t comfortable doing this I recommend talking to each other openly and frankly. The goal is to find what sensitive areas of your body help you enjoy sex the most. This is something both individuals in a marriage should do as sex should be enjoyable to both individuals.

Sexual Myths #7

If I start to have sex with him, I´ll have to satisfy him to the point of orgasm.

Fact: Women with sexual abuse in their past especially tend to feel this way, and understandably so. If you´ve survived a rape, date rape, or molestation, you probably identify with this belief, and you have internalized the idea that "no" is not an option.

If your husband is one of the good guys, then he is not one of the creeps who will force you. Remind yourself that he never will be. If you ask a good guy to stop in the middle of lovemaking, he may protest, but he won´t rape you.

Sexual Myths #6

In her book, "The Surrendered Wife", Laura Doyle writes about 7 myths about sex. Myth number 6 is:

If I don´t have sex with him, he´ll be angry and I will feel guilty.

Fact: This may be true. But there´s a simple antidote for not keeping your sexual agreement. Apologize. Acknowledge that you have deprived him sexually, and tell him you are doing everything you can to get to the root of the problem and heal it so you´ll be available for him.

Are You Having Sexual Problems?

Many couples have a hard time openly acknowledging that they are having sexual problems. Sexual dysfunctions are not uncommon and they can be treated in most cases. If you are struggling with your sexual life there are people who are trained to help in sexual dysfunctions. Most therapists have had courses in treating sexual dysfunctions. Seek help! Sex is something that we should be able to enjoy.

Sexual Myths #2

In her book, "The Surrendered Wife", Laura Doyle writes about 7 myths about sex. Myth number 2 is:

If I have sex with him, I´ll have to work hard to prevent him from seeing how fat/freckled/wrinkled/sweaty I am.?

Fact: We´re accustomed to thinking that we´re unattractive if we haven´t showered, done out hair, put on makeup and perfume, or put on a pretty outfit with matching earrings. We women are especially hard on ourselves when it comes to the way we look. But no matter what your state, you have a womanly state, you have a womanly shape and scent and a feminine spirit that is attractive to your man, which is why he´s making goo-goo eyes. Seize that opporunity to connect.

Sexual Myths #3

In her book, "The Surrendered Wife", Laura Doyle writes about 7 myths about sex. Myth number 3 is:

If I don´t have sex with him now, he won´t approach me again.

Fact: While it´s true that repeated rejections can be discouraging, it´s not likely to make your husband stop trying. Just as people keep tugging at the lever of a slot machinge, so your husband is also optimistic about hitting the jackpot. This is especially true if you have told your husband up front that you might not be available and that it´s not about him, because then he won´t tkae your rejection personally.

A Massage

Sexual intimacy doesn´t happen without effort. A great way to enjoy each other is to give each other a body massage. Use oils or lotions and make sure that you have plenty of time. Most couples find this is a great way to show appreciation for each other.

Sexual Myths #4

In her book, "The Surrendered Wife", Laura Doyle writes about 7 myths about sex. Myth number 4 is:

If I don´t have sex with him when we wants to, he won´t love me.

Fact: His love for you doesn´t depend on sex. You are loveable whether you are performing sexually or not, and to believe otherwise reflects a painful lack of self-worth. Don´t discount the unique qualities that made your husband fall in love with you in the first place.

The Window into Your Marriage

Many professional sex therapists describe the sexual relationship in the marriage as a window into the "whole" marriage. In many instances when there are sexual problems there are also other problems in the marriage. If you are interested in learning more about your own marriage observe your sexual relationship. Then discuss your experience with your spouse.

Advice From America´s Sexiest Wives

In a study about sexuality in the bedroom the following ideas came from "America´s Sexiest Wives".

1st) Be affectionate-- respondents revealed that their marriages are still romantic, and that sexuality is not something they save only for the bedroom.

2nd) Make time for love-- Busy as they may be, sexy wives make lovemaking a top priority in their relationships.

3rd) Be good to each other in bed--Erotic wives are self-confident--and that´s one of the greatest turn-ons.

4th) Try a little spontaneity-- Sexy wives break the rules. Instead of making love only at night after the kids are in bed, they seduce their husbands when the urge strikes.

5th) Be adventurous--The bedroom isn´t the only place where the most erotic wives rendezvous with their husbands.

6th) Learn what pleases you the most-- Sexy wives almost always reach orgasm--usually through intercourse. They learn what the key is to turning them on and share it with their husbands.

Women´s Sexual Dysfunction

Women`s sexual dysfunction is an increasingly more apparent problem in many marriages today but very little is known about it.

An excellent resource for women with this kind of problem is the book "For Women Only-A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction and Reclaiming Your Sex Life" by Jennifer Berman M.D. and Dr. Laura Berman Ph.D.

The Berman`s have opened this country`s first sexual dysfunction clinic at UCLA. They also operate a resourceful website called NewShe http://www.NewShe.com . This website offers a self-test, fact sheets, and numerous sources for help and information.

Sexual Myths #1

In Laura Doyle´s book, "The Surrendered Wife" she suggests the following ideas are myths about sex in marriage.

Myth #1: If I don´t have sex with him, he´ll look for it someplace else.

If your husband is one of the good guys, you have nothing to worry about. In other words, if he´s not a sex addict who is sleeping with other women, you will not drive a healthy man to seek sex elsewhere by taking a temporary healing break.

Anti-depressants and Sex

If you have recently been put on an anti-depressant and your sex drive has become non-existant it is good to understand that some anti-depressants can lower your sex drive. This is something that Dr.´s should tell you before giving you the anti-depressant, but if they didn´t it is something that is good to discuss with them. There are new anti-depressants that have been developed for the purpose of not lowering a persons sex drive. If you have further questions on sex and anti-depressants talk with your physician.

What can occur is that the increase in serotonin can lower a persons sexual drive. Researchers have found that when serotonin is low some people are more likely to act out sexually (sometimes in unhealthy ways). However, low serotonin levels has also been related to depression and anger. Consequently, anti-depressants can increase a persons serotonin level--reducing depression, but a side effect is that the sexual desire also goes down. Consult with a physician if you think this is a problem in your marriage.

Food and Lovemaking

Food can be a prelude to lovemaking, but why not eat after lovemaking? That way your stomach isn´t full, and you won´t fall asleep right after sex because you´ll both be hungry. In fact, you could also take a lovemaking break between the main course and dessert. There´s something you can´t do in a restaurant.