There are many times in which a relationship is not abusive, yet the couple still wonders if it is time to end things. One of the most important factors to consider is which has a better beneficial outcome, to repair or to replace?
Obviously, there is something missing if the couple is considering breaking up. Something is in need of fixing, change, and moving forward. It is then that both sides of the relationship need to determine a few factors.
To repair the relationship can be painful. You will most likely have to face a number of truths that will not exactly be pleasant, both about yourself and your partner. It will take time, energy and more to help put the relationship back on track. In fact, this could take weeks, months, or even years to do. It may be impossible. However, it is possible that you could end up with a better relationship than you had to begin with back when things were not strained.
To replace the relationship means ending it. It also means going through the steps of trying to find another suitable partner, including enduring the dreaded "dating scene." This, too, can take a great amount of time and has no guarantee of a positive outcome.
When deciding to either repair or replace your relationship, be realistic with yourself as to the steps that would need to be taken in each of these scenarios. By comparing and contrasting the two, you can decide if the relationship just needs to be repaired or whether it should ultimately be replaced with someone new.
Guess what? Relationship failure is not because our sex lives aren't good or we are having marital problems. The number one reason for marital and relationship failure is...how couples solve problems. Think about this for a minute. How you solve any problem impacts how you feel about your partner. If you aren't able to solve a problem (I don't care what the problem is) you will disconnect in your relationship. When you disconnect, you will feel negative about the relationship. The consequence? Bad sex or no sex. Money problems because you spend money to deal with your bad marriage.
Achieving is a demanding activity and as such should require our greatest efforts. Below is a short list of what you can do to achieve deeper intimacy in your relationships.
1) Expect to get close to each other
2) Serve one another
3) Avoid hurting each other in any way
4) Be honest with each other
5) Make yourself the best person you can so that your spouse will want to be with you
6) Be the last person to give up on your marriage (unless you are being abused or hurt by your spouse)
7) Be positive
8) Compliment your spouse
9) Read this list on a regular basis and make a game plan of how you can do everything on this list.
10) Evaluate the outcome of doing these things in your marriage.
While most of us spend lots of money during the holidays and on our anniversaries(Christmas, Valentines Day), seldom do we consider what gift would really make a difference in our marriage. My suggestion is to give ourselves. How?
1) Show love in ways your spouse needs you to
2) Be happy
3) Give without expectation of return
4) Find ways to make your spouse feel special
Remember the greatest gift you give will always take time and will include love.
One way to show appreciation to your spouse is to take time and list 5 things that they do that you really appreciate. Here is my list of 5 things that I am grateful to my wife for.
1) She works hard to be a great spouse.
2) She is patient with our children.
3) She has a happy disposition.
4) She makes sacrifices to make our family work.
5) She gives of her time unselfishly.
What does your spouse do that you really appreciate? Make your list and give it to him/her for Thanksgiving, your anniversary, or another special day in your lives. One way to change our marriages is to show more appreciation to each other.
|Sheri Ann Richerson|